How to Deal With Your Spouses Debts

Disclaimer: We are not qualified legal or tax professionals and are not giving advice. Always speak with a qualified professional before making any legal or financial decisions.



In the journey toward a shared life, couples often encounter the challenge of managing not just their dreams and goals but also their debts. The question of whether you're responsible for your spouse’s debt is more than just a financial query.

It's a test of learning the complexities of love, law, and personal finance together. Whether you're newlyweds in the flush of love or partners deeply intertwined in the practicalities of life, understanding how to approach your spouse's debt can set the foundation for a healthier, more secure financial future.

This guide aims to clarify the responsibilities, choices, and strategies you face together, ensuring that 'for richer or for poorer' holds the promise of mutual support and shared success.

Don't want to read through? Speak to a debt specialist right now.

Know the difference between joint and separate debts

Debts incurred prior to marriage and after separation is normally characterized as "separate" debt, but the law considers them all equally community in nature regardless of when they arose for settlement purposes because it sets a precedent that both parties must share responsibility with any financial issues raised during cohabitation or dissolution proceedings. It's essential to understand these distinctions, which are explained further in this guide about  what are community and common property states.

Joint debts are incurred by both spouses and can be joint credit cards, mortgages, or car loans. When a couple buys their house together they both agree to take responsibility for any mortgage payments. 

If one person pays off an individual loan in full while the other has still not made enough progress with paying down debt on his/her end then there will often come up short at some point because he cannot cover what she owes without adding more cash from outside sources which just compounds things further!

Discuss your spouse's debt with them

One of the best ways to discuss your spouse's debt with them is to always advocate for the family. Speak to it as an investment in you and your family's future, rather than a buying spree that needlessly put the household into more debt.

Be bold about your responsibility too - don't let them shirk control of their own financial affairs! The more they are invested in solving the problem, the quicker they'll get out of it.

Some people may balk at sharing something so personal and trying to hash things out with someone who is getting defensive or upset, but just remember that this problem won't fix itself and there will be consequences if you neglect it or try and sweep it under the rug.

When discussing debt, be sure to use "I" statements to avoid blame. For example, "I feel worried about our growing credit card balance" rather than "You spent too much last month." Listen without judgment and focus on working together to solve the problem.

Look for root causes of debt issues, like job loss or medical bills. Provide emotional support, and avoid shaming your spouse. The key is solving the debt responsibly as a team. Bring up the possibility of meeting with a nonprofit credit counseling agency to go over options.

Working together openly and honestly is crucial. Avoid keeping secrets, and agree on financial goals. With commitment and communication, you can eliminate debt while strengthening your relationship.

Agree on a plan to tackle debt together

Before agreeing on a plan to tackle debt, the spouses should have an honest conversation about their finances. The conversation should center around monthly disposable income and monthly expenses for both parties.

From there, it is possible to prioritize which debts need to be taken care of first based on a number of factors including interest rates, balances, allowable late fees from credit card companies, etc.

Once those conversations are had and priorities established, the spouses can come up with a realistic timeline and strategy as to how long it will take them to pay off their debt.

When creating a budget, be sure to use budgeting apps or software to track spending and set limits. Create a zero-based budget that assigns every dollar earned. Look for areas to cut back on, like eating out or subscriptions. And build savings into the budget for emergencies and goals. Review the budget together each month and adjust as needed.

From there, divide the timeline by 12 months to figure out how much you need each month for one side of your budget.

The whole family really should be on board with any plan, and all members should agree to the terms of the contract that will follow. Keeping a budget is key; it can serve as a framework for spending habits and also help them see where they're wasting money.

A separate bank account for discretionary funds can also help. It's essential that everyone understand what 'needs' are versus what 'wants.' Resisting impulse purchases can improve their chances of being able to actually repay those debts.

Giving each child one 'official allowance' per week or month-the amount varies based on age or earnings-can teach kids about making smart money decisions so they don't have problems later on in life.

Get an idea of how much you can afford to pay each month

It isn't enough to only look at your debt and guess how much you can afford to pay. You need a sustainable strategy for managing this debt that will really work.

It really all depends on your income amount and the type of debt you have.

It's important to pay off credit card balances first, then car loans, then personal loans, and the remainder is used to cover mortgage payments based on a monthly budget.

In other words - prioritize your high-interest consumer debt first!

There are 3 steps that will help you create a sustainable plan:

1. Calculate what your current payments would be if we roll the minimum payments over each month. 
2. Map out and commit to allocating sufficient funds (whether income or our budget) towards the aggressive pay-down of the highest interest rate debts.
3. Make sure that all of these calculations have been set up in an Excel spreadsheet so they can be readily updated as needed.

Understand what happens when you stop paying

If you stop paying your debts, It has the potential to destroy your life if you're not careful and don't have a plan.

For example, if you stop paying your mortgage or car payments, then you will most likely lose your home or car. Also, after two years of missed payments, your credit rating will more than likely plummet, making it difficult to borrow money in the future.

To avoid these consequences, many people are forced to declare bankruptcy. Most student loan borrowers are not eligible for Chapter 7 bankruptcy - and they can't be discharged for private student loans in most circumstances.

Many debtors seeking relief via bankruptcy find themselves digging themselves into a hole of debt that may last for decades even after debt obligations have been settled through filing for bankruptcy.

Regardless of how justified it may be, filing for bankruptcy can have a negative impact on your credit rating, and being forced to declare bankruptcy is often the worst option in dealing with debt problems.

There are other options available that allow you to responsibly handle your debts without having them affect you negatively by eventually declaring bankruptcy or racking up even more debt.

Learn more by reading How A Bankruptcy Alternative May Be Right for You

Create a repayment plan that works for both of you

There are many different debt repayment options to consider, and financial advisors can help you find the one that works best for your situation.

One option is the "Debt Avalanche," which involves paying off higher interest rate debts first (e.g., credit card debt) and then proceeding on with lower interest rate debts (e.g., home loan).

It's often beneficial to pay off high-interest loans first because they allow more of the payment to go toward reducing principal while also saving money in interest payments.

Another option is "Debt Snowball," where consumers pay bills with lower balances first and work their way up based on their budget restrictions. 

The key is finding a system that both spouses agree upon without sacrificing things like savings, retirement, and future goals.

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